I remember as an Evangelical, I would often use the line, “What if your’e wrong?”when I was trying to witness to an unbeliever. If they were wrong, they would burn in hell forever and that was a terrifying thought! I would feel so sure when I would say that, because if I knew they couldn’t argue that the consequences would be devastating for them. But now I realize it wasn’t the flex I thought it was.

I have come to realize, through deconstruction, that fear is the enemy of faith, not the motivation or purpose of it. Fear and love cannot coexist. So, I was actually misrepresenting God when I said that. Does God really want people giving their hearts and life to him out of fear of punishment? If so, why is there a verse that says “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”? (1 John 4:18) Wouldn’t that be coercion?

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Millions of Americans just wrapped up another season of Love Island. If you’re living under a rock, Love Island is an endless loop of bikinis, steamy kisses, and what looks like affection, but feels more like performance. It’s the kind of “love” I used to chase, too. The sparkly on the outside, but hollow and lonely when the cameras cut kind of love.

For most of my life, I thought love had to be big and obvious. I thought it had to sweep me off my feet and leave me breathless. I mean, that was how it was on Love Boat, a show I loved when I was a kid. I believed love was about intensity, passion, and always being wanted…

As someone who is going through faith deconstruction, there’s a unique kind of heartbreak that comes from a realization that many of the people I once believed loved me didn’t really love me. They loved who I was when I believed what they did. They loved the certainty, the sameness, the shared faith we had. They loved that I made them feel safe, affirmed, justified and filled with truth.

But when I started asking hard questions and my beliefs began to shift, I no longer fit neatly inside the theological box they had tucked me into and it became painfully clear that their love had conditions. And I had unknowingly broken the terms…..

I watched a movie when I was an evangelical that not only terrified me, but showed me how powerful deception could be. Here are my thoughts on a specific scene from the movie (based on the book) that keeps popping into my mind….

They didn’t just silence ancient texts, they silenced people like us. The creatives. The feelers. The ones who saw beauty in the mystery.
👉 Read the blog and discover what we lost, and what we’re reclaiming.

I recently taught a spin class I called the Pride Ride. It was a joyful, sweaty celebration of love, inclusion, and the beautiful diversity of humanity. I invited some friends in a text thread to join, genuinely excited to honor Pride Month with a space that felt welcoming to all.

Happy Pride! I wrote this for my LGBTQIA+ friends…

Just read a study that said curiosity might lower your risk of dementia.
Wild, right?

And then I thought…
What happens when your religion taught you to fear curiosity?

I saw an article recently claiming that Gen Z is returning to religion.

At first glance, it felt surprising. Weren’t they the most irreligious generation so far? Weren’t they the ones walking away in droves? In the work I do, I definitely don’t see many of them flocking back to church in droves as much as pulling away and trying to find something real, but of course the headline sparked my curiosity.

So, I did what I always do when something doesn’t sit quite right—I dug deeper. I’ve learned to read beyond headlines. I’ve learned to do the work.

I told myself this time I’d stay quiet.

Fold my questions like linens,

Place them on a shelf

Where no one sees the mess…

Have you ever noticed that Jesus rarely answered a question directly? People came to Him looking for clarity, and instead, He offered more questions. Not because He didn’t know the answer, but because He wanted them to discover something deeper than information.

Recently, I watched a documentary called Sensitive—The Untold Story, and it stopped me in my tracks. It was like someone finally put words and science to things I’ve always felt but couldn’t quite explain. This film explores the trait of high sensitivity, a trait that 15–20% of the population is born with, and it got me wondering:

Are highly sensitive people more likely to deconstruct their religion?

Ironically, the last retreat I spoke at for Evangelical Ministry was titled “Under Construction”. By the time I stepped up to that podium in 2019, something inside of me had already shifted. Preparing for that talk was one of the hardest moments I’d had in ministry to that point. I had already left the institutional church, though my faith hadn’t fully unraveled yet. I was still holding on, still trying to make it work. I was fighting the change that had been quietly unfolding since 2016.

And standing on that stage… it showed me just how much had changed.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much the season of spring reminds me of the journey of deconstruction….

There’s a new show on Hulu called Paradise, and I absolutely love it, but I felt a deep ache while I watched it. After some contemplation, I realized why…

It’s all about the light.

These photos were taken about 20 minutes apart. Same angle. But the first one was taken as the sun was shining bright on the rock just before it set.

Lighting in photography is essential for creating depth, contrast, and emotion, much like the internal light we shine as humans influences the world around us…

The majority of the time, deconstruction is not about tearing everything down and walking away—it’s about making room for something more authentic. It’s about letting go of the things that no longer align with who we are becoming, while holding onto what’s real, beautiful, and true.

I took a survey earlier with people going through deconstruction to see what their faith was like prior to deconstructing. The results proved what I suspected…

Today, I was having a conversation with Todd Herzog, the winner of my season of Survivor China in 2007. He wrote the foreword of my upcoming book, and I was letting him know how much I appreciated not only him writing that for me, but also for the patience and love he showed me over the past seventeen years that we’ve known each other. I had a lot to learn, I had to wrestle with a lot of my theology and I have said some things to him when I was in my faith tradition that hurt him deeply. He simply said this:

This is an excerpt from my book, Honoring the Journey: The Deconstruction of Sister Christian, coming out either late 2024 or early 2025. This excerpt is from the chapter Fear and Love…