When Pride Reveals the Truth
I recently taught a spin class I called the Pride Ride. It was a joyful, sweaty celebration of love, inclusion, and the beautiful diversity of humanity. I invited some friends in a text thread to join, genuinely excited to honor Pride Month with a space that felt welcoming to all.
What I didn’t expect was the response I got from someone I considered a close friend.
I won’t say everything she said out of a desire not to stir up anymore drama, but I will tell you, it was deeply painful to read her response. Her basic ideas were that pride was divisive and it has an agenda that doesn’t have good intentions and the implication was that I didn’t appreciate or celebrate America like she thinks I should because I celebrate Pride. It was truly shocking to read and I still can’t believe that response was appropriate or justified in the presence of the entire text group, but I digress.
I spent a lot of time reflecting on that exchange.
At first, I felt angry. Then hurt. And eventually… clear.
We can love people deeply and still acknowledge when the relationship can’t hold the fullness of who we are. We can respect someone’s beliefs, but if those beliefs harm the rights or dignity of others, it’s okay (and necessary) to draw a boundary.
Pride Month reminds me that allyship isn’t about comfort. It’s about courage. It’s standing up when the room gets quiet or when the cost feels personal. It’s being willing to lose approval in order to extend love.
I still believe in conversation. I still believe in bridges. But I’ve also learned to stop handing out blueprints to people who don’t want to build anything with me. I’ve learned not everyone is building the same thing. Our country is very divided, and it’s clear to me now that it’s affecting us all.
So here are the lessons I walked away with when you face a disagreement with a friend, because sadly, in today’s society, this seems inevitable:
1. Lead with Curiosity, Not Assumption
Start by seeking to understand rather than to win. Ask questions like, "Can you help me understand where you're coming from?" This disarms defensiveness and keeps the door open for mutual respect.
2. Speak Your Truth Clearly, But Kindly
Use “I” statements to express how something feels or lands with you. For example, “I feel concerned when I see people’s rights being dismissed, because I value equity and inclusion deeply.” It’s not about attacking, it’s about revealing your heart.
3. Stay Grounded in Values, Not Emotions
It’s okay to be passionate, but letting anger or frustration take the wheel often makes others shut down. Stay grounded in love, compassion, justice, and dignity. Those values can carry conviction without cruelty.
4. Set Boundaries When Needed
You can disagree without being disrespectful, but you’re not required to stay in every conversation. Sometimes standing up for what’s right means walking away from what’s harmful. Silence can be complicity, but boundaries are wisdom.
5. Remember the Bigger Picture
You’re planting seeds. You may not change someone’s mind today, but your courage might make them think tomorrow. Sometimes the most powerful resistance is simply showing up with integrity, again and again.
Always err on the side of love, ya’ll. Love wins.
