WHAT IF?

I remember as an Evangelical, I would often use the line, “What if your’e wrong?”when I was trying to witness to an unbeliever. If they were wrong, they would burn in hell forever and that was a terrifying thought! I would feel so sure when I would say that, because if I knew they couldn’t argue that the consequences would be devastating for them. But now I realize it wasn’t the flex I thought it was.

I have come to realize, through deconstruction, that fear is the enemy of faith, not the motivation or purpose of it. Fear and love cannot coexist. So, I was actually misrepresenting God when I said that. Does God really want people giving their hearts and life to him out of fear of punishment? If so, why is there a verse that says “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”? (1 John 4:18) Wouldn’t that be coercion?

Now, I ask the same question to those who are still in my previous faith tradition: What if?

What if you didn’t have to teach your kids that if they believe wrong, they'll burn in hell forever?

What if you didn’t have to live in fear that your friends, your spouse, your children, even your own parents, are doomed to eternal torture just because they believe differently?

What if the fear that’s been baked into your faith isn’t actually love at all?

What if the God you were taught to love with trembling knees and a cautious heart is actually far more kind, far more compassionate, far more inclusive than the one you were warned never to question?

What if you were allowed to explore your questions, your doubts, your hopes, and found that your faith didn’t fall apart, but finally came alive?

I remember sitting in church, gripping the seat in front of me, my heart pounding as the preacher painted vivid pictures of hell, judgment, and eternal separation. I remember silently praying for every person I loved, begging God to save them…from Himself, apparently. I remember the pit in my stomach thinking about people in unreached nations. I remember wondering how this was called Good News.

But I was certain of it. I had been taught not to question. And I didn’t. Until I did.

And once I began pulling that first thread of fear, I found something so surprising on the other side: Love. Real, unshackled, unconditional love.

The Bible verse I mentioned above is the one I clung to as I began unraveling my theology was this:

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.” – 1 John 4:18

It hit me like a lightning bolt. If fear has to do with punishment, and perfect love casts it out, how had we made fear and punishment the foundation of our faith?

Deconstructing Fear-Based Theology

If you're finding yourself tangled up in fear but longing for freedom, here are a few ways to begin pulling the thread:

1. Name the Fear.
Be honest with yourself. What are you most afraid of? Eternal hell? God's anger? Being wrong? Losing community? Naming it is the first step to disarming it.

2. Trace the Source.
Where did that belief come from? Was it scripture, or someone’s interpretation of scripture? Was it fear-based preaching? A specific denomination? A childhood trauma? Dig deeper.

3. Ask Better Questions.
Start asking the "What ifs."
What if God is not wrathful, but healing?
What if hell is a man-made construct?
What if God actually looks like Jesus?

4. Let Love Lead.
When in doubt, let love be your compass. If a doctrine produces fear, shame, or anxiety, question whether it aligns with the heart of Jesus.
Remember: “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” – 1 John 4:16

5. Give Yourself Permission to Grow.
Faith doesn’t have to be a closed box with clear lines. It can be a garden. A river. A wild, winding path. It can evolve. You can too.

Since releasing my grip on certainty, I’ve never felt more alive. My relationship with God is no longer transactional or fear-driven. Now it's relational, evolving, and rooted in curiosity and peace.

I don’t have to scare my kids into faith anymore. I get to show them love, and let them explore. I don’t lie awake fearing for people I love because now I trust that Love is big enough to find them, wherever they are.

My old faith had all the answers, but it couldn’t handle my questions. Now? My faith doesn’t mind not knowing! It actually invites the mystery.

So, what if the fear you've been living under isn't actually faith at all?

What if you’re allowed to let it go?

What if freedom, joy, and real love have been waiting for you just on the other side of fear?

I can promise you this: it's better than you imagined.